Have you ever had…

…the experience of being so close to something you desperately want/need you could almost touch it…only to have it snatched away at the final second?

We had just caught a glimpse of getting our lives back on track and some financial stability.  And a wrong word from one person appears to have wrecked it all!  Someone who should not have spoken about the circumstances in which we find ourselves now.  All in the name of excruciating honesty…mind you this is someone who doesn’t have the problem of having to begin looking for another job after the treatment Blokey received at the hands of his previous employer.  And the court process is unbelievably slow…it seems we are to sink lower yet…the rollercoaster ride is not over.  I’ve had a gutsful and am finding it hard to pick up after every disappointment…the employer has the power and knows how to use it to disadvantage the people they want to stick it to…and the effects are felt for longer than we thought…and Blokey hasn’t done anything wrong!

Things are getting…

…a bit grim around here.  Money is going out aster than it’s coming in right now (oh, yes I feel guilty about my birthday now!).  I felt sure by now Blokey would either have a job or enough freelancing work to keep us going – plus I thought I might get more hours where I work, but alas not.  As careful as I have been to keep the grocery bill as low as possible, it seems every time we going shopping we get less and prices go up!  Eggs have gone through the roof lately…I used to get 30 for $5…now 30 costs about $7.50!  I use a lot of eggs as they are good nutritionally…but as I keep seeing mentioned a lot it seems it costs less to eat junk.  The cheapest bread I can get has gone from 0.99c a few months ago to 1.43 a loaf now.  I’ve been trying to buy more seasonal vege but even that is costly.

The weather this weekend has been the coldest I’ve seen it since I’ve been here…we had two heaters in the lounge to keep it warm on Sunday while we had people here…and with Blokey being home all the time he needs to keep warm and there’s no where else in the house he can work but the lounge…I hate to think what this month’s power bill will be.  He just needs a couple of good paying freelance jobs to come through…he’s doing all he can right now really…there are no jobs out there  – online freelancing seems to be the only thing that brings in any money…but half the problem is a high proportion of the jobs he bids on are not awarded….people seem to be off on holiday right now and are slow to respond to finish up their jobs…so we wait.  I’m going to start looking around to see what stuff we have that I can sell…I don’t really know what else to do….there are few other costs we can cut down on.  So I’m stumped.  We need something like Divine Intervention… something!

I went out with my Mum today.  We bought frames for the kids Baptism certificates…$5 ones and then I bought three pieces of scrapbooking paper and some double sided tape to make up a border as the certificates are an odd size and there are no frames anywhere made to fit them!  It actually worked quite well…and cost $25 all up…and I have 95% of the tape left over.  I also needed some pliers to make up the watch kit Thing Two gave me for my birthday ($2.50 for the kit -cheap as chips!)…I picked those up for $3 and found I had some clippers already which I needed to clip the wire bits to size…vague I know but I’ve never fiddled with making that kind of thing before…turned out well…photos will show up eventually.  Mum goes home tomorrow so I can begin to get things back into order and we get to sleep in our own bed tomorrow night which will be nice.

I tried making fresh pasta for dinner tonight…as was reminded as to why I don’t do this any more!  It’s something I have not been able to get the hang of and just ends up in a nasty mess – as it did tonight when Blokey found the one remaining packet of penne stashed in the back of the pantry….I wish I could get the stuff to work…I can’t roll it thin enough with my rolling pin…and my pasta roller machine just tears it to shreds when I run it through…and this is after doing a class with the wonderful Sophie Gray – actually standing up with her and making a whole pile of pasta…oh, the frustration!  Although on Friday night I made pizza bases for everyone to load up with whatever they wanted…and tried out a gluten free version for myself using pesto as the sauce base and spinach, feta, bacon, chicken, onion and cheese….it was huge…I ate half for dinner and half for lunch on Saturday…oh and Mum loved her pizza, as did everyone else…I love doing pizza night…especailly when you make it from what ever you have to hand…yummer!

Recently over the last two months I have been on a gluten/dairy/caffiene/and a few other things-free diet.  It produced interesting results.  I lost nine kilos and gained some energy/clarity.  Over the weekend I have dived off it quite a bit but I’m realising that some parts of it have to go as they are not cost effective…so from tomorrow I shall be back to porridge instead of the berry/nut/ricemilk/linseed smoothie….although I will keep the linseed part as they are cheap and worth the health benefits.  I’m still going to keep up the veges for lunch as I know they provide more benefits than a sandwich…and I’ve realise gluten is one of those things I should stay away from as well as potatoes.  I’m hoping not to get the cravings for snack foods as that would be counter-productive and I might as well go back on the smoothies.  And to be honest I’m not minding the weight loss!  I purchased the book The Ultrasimple Diet by Dr. Mark Hyman after having read some information about thyroid issues and being made aware of some family history that I didn’t know existed at the time.  While it didn’t make me feel instantly better, there were incremental changes and health benefits over the time I was doing it…and although we now are facing a financial crisis Blokey is still encouraging me to keep going…which I shall but I need to cut costs as much as possible and with it being winter it’s nice to have porridge for breakfast…with some linseed and a few warmed up berries to boost the nutrition…yum…I will still try to keep the dairy to a minimum.  I have to admit to the odd coffee, although I’m trying to stick to decaf…and the odd green-tea.  Once the tv is back from repair I shall also get back to some yoga as I was enjoying the gentle yet at times strenuous exercise…I need to build up some core strength…I have little upper body strength these days and my balance is rubbish!

I’m off now…might do some knitting before bed…listen to a podcast as I do…

Why is there…

.. much crying and gnashing of teeth, etc, by some when they make the leap from one decade to the next?  Any ideas?  I mean, really, it’s only one day further on from yesterday…but you’d think they skipped an entire decade!!

Personally, myself, I can’t see what all the fuss is about!  Well, I could if noone gave me any presents but we won’t go there (I could tell you all about Mother’s Day just gone by!)…but I made plenty sure that didn’t happen.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention…it’s my birthday today and I have indeed begun my journey through a new decade!  The previous ten years have been taken up with bringing up my son – he was born just after I turned 30 (so can you guess how old I might be today?)  I’ve spent those ten years regaining my independence after relying on others support for the first five years….and just as I felt we were really making headway…well, if you read previous posts you might get some idea.

Anyway. this is about me not the rest…other than what they gave me today!  Haa!  Given that we have been on limited income I have been trying to do things like work on old, unfinished projects and keep new inspiration at bay.  I finished a scarf from last year and I’ve been working on an old cross-stitch…I have another four after that to complete as well as several quilts…so I’m not about to run out!  And I have wanted to try knitting socks with some of the groovy wool that can be bought and the patterns available on Ravelry.  The other day I was in Spotlight and saw they are finally stocking some decent sock wool…I took my time and chose one ball…but there was another luscious colourway vying for my attention.  I intended to use it to make a scarf…a chevron scarf from the blog of Javajem.  She used different colourways alternating two balls of wool at a time doing two rows each – get it?  I could only buy one ball in all good conscience (and thankfully it was discounted by a few dollars when I showed my VIP card).  So I’ve been knitting it up for the last week…and it looks ok but there were a few mistakes.

On Saturday I felt I needed to remind Blokey about the present situation….just to avoid a repeat of the Mother’s Day incident…which I have not mentioned on…but I’m sure plenty can guess what happened…or what didn’t happen more tot he point!  Anyway, I managed to remind him…and yes, he had forgotten again…too much on his mind (and he does really…I can’t blame him for forgetting – or misplacing me at the bottom of the list ;-D ).  We toddled off down to Spotlight (quite literally – it’s at the bottom of the hill we live on).  I had a vague idea I wanted to stock up on some DMC threads I was out of…then I found the wool…that second ball I had left behind the previous week…I thought of socks…then I thought of that scarf, the mistakes and how nice it might look to alternate the colours every two rows…I grabbed a ball…a set of double pointed needles – to make the pair of socks that will use up the left over halves of both balls.  And I began looking for a marker to mark the beginning of a new round when I start those socks…do you think I could find one?!?  In the end I found a charm thing in the button section with a loop big enough for a needle to go through…but before that I came across some little watch making kits that were 75% of the clearance price…so we got that as well…and Blokey had found something he wanted to give me himself…some carry cases that had a craft activity inside with all the bits you need to make it.  It’s meant as a gift from a mother to a daughter to make together…but I’m keeping it for me to make something else with!  So, I came home with more than I had intended but Blokey insisted so I wasn’t going to argue!

The kids all gave me their presents and breakfast in bed this morning…and as my Mum came up for my birthday my bed is currently in the lounge!  Speaking of my bed…we got it yesterday as a result of a local Freecycle post on Friday…I’m calling it a birthday present…mind you Blokey and I are both aching after lugging it up to the car from the previous owner’s house (quite a haul!) and in to our lounge…it’s way better then our other one – which we are hoping to pass on via Freecycle to someone who needs it – we feel lucky  to have got this as an airbed on the floor, in the middle of what has been a freezing start to winter, is not the best…but we prefer to give my Mum our bed so she can go to bed at whatever time she likes…which is earlier that us.

I spent most of today knitting…I had unravelled my first scarf attempt and begun the second with both balls…and I really like how it’s turning out.  Each ball has a different length of repeat….one is just about to ocme to the end of it’s first repeat and the other has just begun it’s third repeat…so there could be some nice variations in there!

Two more important things to mention…!  My Mum gave me my favouritist present – a cross-stitch of an old sewing machine surrounded by all it’s bits and bobs…I also got another cross-stitch made by Blokey’s sister from a pattern in a previous Homepsun magazine – they are both awesome works and I love them both…photos when I remember! Oh, and Blokey’s Dad fixed up my Mum’s old sewing machine – a Bernina 830 record she’s had as long as I can remember…so this afternoon she had me hemming four pairs of pants.  And then to my surprise in topped a friend of mine from work…she’s so lovely…brought with her a some potted flowering mini daffodils…smelling loverly…and book tokens…she really is a kind and generous spirited woman and I still can’t quite belive it happened!  It was a public holiday here today so everyone was off school/work…Queen’s Birthday – I received several crowns from the kids…and enjoyed playing queen from my lounge-bed!!  And for dinner my Mum made us all her delicious pancakes…I think she was surprised I went for something so simple….maybe I am changing…new decade, new view…

The other important, most important thing of all really, event this weekend was/were the children’s baptisms.  Blokey was brought up Catholic and the kids all go to a Catholic school…so this year we decided to allow them to go through the Sacraments programme that is run through the parish.  I’m not Catholic…I was brought up Salvation Army.  So I’m on a bit of a learning curve here…trying to figure out what I can and can’t do, although I must say the church seems to be more relaxed and laid back than I’ve been led to believe – I think even moreso than Blokey can remember when he was growing up.  It was a lovely Mass and I was so proud of all three of the kids as they stood tall and respectful and lovely throughout.  Blokey and I presented them with Bibles…my Mum gave them devotional books…they had a happy day with various friends and familyand we finished off with a celebratory dinner out…I will post photos if we got any good ones…I’ve not been involved with any church for about 15 to 20 years now…but it doesn’t leave…I feel stirrings of it now and then inside…the kids longing to know…Thing Two has spent much time the last two days reading his Bible and carrying it around everywhere…reading out loud…it’s precious to see and reminds me a little of me – vague memories of how I wanted to be good and righteous…so wanting to do what people told me was right.  I think that’s where I went wrong…doing what people said was right…and of course everyone has a different interpretation of what is right…

Now, please don’t think of me as too self-absorbed with all my going on about presents and such.  Since the Mother’s Day thing and the run-up to my birthday I’ve learnt something about myself I didn’t know…my love language.  I have read the love languages book for children – I forget the exact title – and could never figure out mine…until now – and I love to get presents…I also love to give gifts, I love choosing just the right things for each person to suit them….the right Bible for each of the kids…it’s all very considered to meet some need.  What I realised, good or bad, was that in not being given a gift on Mother’s Day I felt unvalued (although Thing Two made me a lovely hot cup of tea without any kind of prodding – which I appreciated very much!)…I felt even less valued when Blokey spent time with one of the girls making things for her Mum and he couldn’t take the time to fulfill a simple/frugal request I had made.  I know he didn’t mean to do it…I don’t even think he really understands how I felt after I explained it to him.  I do know he has a lot on his mind…not the least of which is how to keep the money coming in – and here I am wanting a present!  I know, it’s seems ungrateful and all…sometimes it’s hard to deal with the emotion that comes up but I think I’ve figured it out now.  Another thing I realised, but only yesterday, is that so far for most of my life I’ve spent a lot of energy stuffing down certain emotions.  I was thinking about this during the service yesterday as I could feel a lot laying just under the surface and felt at times like bursting into tears…and I was trying to figure it out in terms of some of the things that have been happening lately.

I’ve already written a lot but this bit is more for me than anything!!  Trying to understand a few things.  My Dad was a proud man.  I am the first born.  I used to think Dad would have been happier had I been a boy.  I dunno.  I have a lot of my Dad in me.  He was also an emotional man.  Crying at his 80th birthday over all the people there – as was I!  The legacy of stuffed emotions…mind you at that stage we kind of already knew he was dying.  I have a lot of pride in me…and although some of it has gone, there’s still plenty more.  I do things so that others won’t see my shortcomings – rather than admit to it…or change how I do things.  I do/say things that make me feel better but might hurt someone else…but they’ve hurt me already and I have no way to let them know and help them to understand (one person in particular here – difficult situation which I don’t make any easier).  I do/say things to hurt people becuase I am hurt and don’t have the control to stop myself…and they deserve better because it’s not their fault.  I do/say things in the heat of the moment and regret it almost straight away….but am too proud to say sorry.  I’ll say sorry for small things, or things that are not really what it’s all about.  I amso much better than anyone else really is what I’m saying…but I’m not…I’m insignificant but wanting to think I am more so.  I was belittled by my father when I was growing up…but does that mean I have to do that to my kids?  The heat of the moment…it doesn’t take much, especially when you’re under pressure, trying to keep everything together…eventually something cracks and it all pours out if you don’t let it out little by little, bit by bit as neccessary….I need to pay attention to the things I say…and make better choices…take care of myself better…

And now I need to go to bed…goodnight.

A few weeks ago…

…I began writing a draft post to explain my prolonged abscence…and intention to get back to blogging on a regular basis.  I didn’t post it in the end.  Since then I’ve been working a lot and trying to figure out what direction I’m going to go in.  We’ve gone from living an extremely stable, routine existence to having our stable income cut by 60 to 75% and an unreliable, slow to build income in it’s place.  Blokey is now freelancing…he jumped before he was pushed (see previous post for context) and is currently considering  whether to take legal action against his former employer.  He’s enjoying the varying work he’s been getting so far, which is a far cry from the long term project he’d been working on for the last few years.  He’s good at what he does (software) and I’m certain in the long term he can make a good living at this.  I’ve asked him about making me a new blog.  I’m finding I can’t get WordPress to do the things I want (more  my lack of tech skills I think!)…and Blokey has been playing with SilverStripe on his website…I looked at some of the templates available and was quite impressed….so I want to use that as well.  Plus it’s experience for him as he wants to use it more and learn as much about it as he can…push the limits.  He’s using SilverStripe for one of the jobs he’s doing at the moment and it’s looking good.

I’m thinking also about what direction I want to go in with this blog…I’ve spent a lot of time looking over other blogs and seeing what works for each one.  Currently I have two blogs…this one and the 101 in 1001 blog.  I couldn’t figure out how to get WordPress to run both in one.  Blokey suggested using the tags and such but I want a tab at the top of the page that clicks onto what is another set of blog posts only related to the 101 in 1001 stuff…I like the tabs…WordPress does them but you are limited in what you can put under each tab.  For now though this shall suffice!  It has to…Blokey is too busy to help me!!!

I was going to write more…but I shall save that for another time.  No pressure…although, one great new thing…Blokey bought me a USB splitter!  My one USB port laptop can now handle four USB devices..woohoo…so, let’s see…I have the mouse in one…the MP3 player cord in a second…and room for the camera cord of course!  I need to find something to photograph first!  Maybe I’ll put up one of my untidy lounge/dining area as I can see from where I sit here….

Where do we go…

…from here?  My last post (so long ago!) made mention of Blokey having been suspended from work with some others.  Hopefully we hear the verdict sometime in the coming week. We are expecting for him to be reinstated along with the others.  They all had metings last week to put forward their individual cases in response to the ‘evidence’ presented to them.  Thankfully too their previous manager got involved to try and give some context as he is the only one who can do so…up until that point the current manager had not so much as  spoken to him about it…unfreakinbelievable!!!

We went yesterday to partake of the Monet exhibition on at the moment…it was captivating…I struggled to remember my art history lectures on Impressionism…Thing One was equally as captivated and was soaking up all the information I could give her.  Blokey and I decided we will go back by ourselves in a couple of weeks time when the kids are all away on holiday…he had Thing Three and his parents and I took the other two kids…Thing Two was not interested in it at all and was more interested in running off to enter some competition.

I’ve been doing a bit of knitting lately…moved away from the dishcloths finally!  Thing One brought home a knitting pattern at the end of last year from Guides.  The idea being to make very simple one piece woollen jumpers for babies who have been dumped.  It took me a while but I finally got one made…and am now on to my second one.  Then we had some wool selling for really, really super cheap at work a while back so I  managed to sort out enough of a decent colour combo to begin a cardigan…so I’m nearly on target to complete my small project for this month…

I wanted to say  more today but I’ve run out for now.  I’m really want to be more planned with my posts than I have been.  It seems tome all the most successful blogs have an element of that…and if there’s one thing I’ve been doing a lot of lately it’s blog-surfing…I love looking at what other people are doing…one day the inspiration will hit!  I’m sure…really…it will!!

I’m not really…

…sure what’s happened here lately!  I was so determined I was going to be doing stuff to post about regularly.  I had my routines organised to allow for some spare time for sewing or knitting or whatever.  The kids went back to school, I went back to work, Blokey was busy with his work and a new boss…things were looking good.  I was getting into my routines bit by bit…Thing Two started Cubs, Thing Three began at Brownies…and we were full-on.  Then it happened!  A few weeks ago Blokey got suspended from work…him and a few others.  He’s done nothing wrong, although his new boss seems determined to pick at things that occurred before he started and were okayed by the boss at the time…so, needless to say we’ve been spending all our sparetime trying to figure this out, still wondering what he’s supposed to have done as there has been nothing specific for him to answer to…just a broad accusation that covers multiple clauses of his contract…I wish like anything they would hurry up and decide what it is he’s supposed to have done!  The only plus in this is he’s still being paid.  It’s been enormously stressful for us and the kids I’m sure know something’s not quite right…we haven’t told them anything yet.

I was away last weekend with Thing Two for a family wedding…it was a great time, I got to meet a niece I hadn’t met yet and reaquaint myself with some family I hadn’t seen in years.  The wedding was really enjoyable and everyone seemed to have had a good time.  I also found out something about the family health history which could explain why I’ve been feeling as I have for the last while – I can’t recall how long!  My family, in particular the females, seems to have rather a lot of hypothyroidism…my father did too, a fact I had forgotten.  Since I’ve been back I’ve been doing a bit of research as to symptoms and such…I seem to have many of them on a consistent basis and some others irregularly.   I do need to make an appointment to see the doctor – something I avoid at all costs!  There’s a part of me that wants to have this condition and another part of me wants not to.  On the one hand it would explain things and with medication hopefully I could get some energy back and be able to do more.  On the other hand….I can’t remember what I was going to say.  If I have this thing then I may stand half a hope of meeting my weight-loss and exercise goals which at the moment are heading in the opposite direction from where I need to be!!  That is frustrating!  The current uncertainty around Blokey’s job does not help with any of this…in fact I won’t go until something is resolved and we have more certainty…although he really wants me to go, we both know money is an issue if he ends up with no job!

And on that cheery note I shall away and get the veggies ready for dinner….and maybe add a dessert as well….

I’ve been obsessed…

…with knitting dishcloths and such…so much so I came up with my own little idea…’design’ if you like…pretty simple but I’m quite happy with the way it’s turned out.  I was toying with the idea of being able to sell them but I like them too much!

Part of what I’ve been doing over the last few weeks has been around becoming more aware of how what I do affects the environment – especially as I’m just like everyone else out there like me – add that all up and there’s a heck of a lot of impact being made!  The more I read the more I felt the need to change the way I’m doing things.  I’ve begun to use all homemade cleaners (I think I’ve mentioned it either here or my other blog at least once).  We all now have metal drink bottles and the kids lunchboxes are all the right number plastic – although eventually I’d like to replace them with something even better.  Yesterday I made a facial cleanser/scrub as my old one ran out.  I also made dishwasher powder sometimelast week and it seems to do a good job – although not as squeaky and shiny, it’s still clean!  Next I need to make some shampoo and laundry powder but I’mjust letting things run to the end so I’m not forcing myself to make everything in one hit, get overwhelmed and decide it’s too much effort.

I made Blokey some granola today after finding a recipe online for a frozen sandwich with peanut butter and granola in it.  Thing One is after it for breakfast tomorrow and I’m thinking with some yogurt, left  to soak for a bit would be just right.  I found some recipes for sandwiches which can be made ahead of time and frozen.  So I’m going to get some bread tonight and make a bunch up…there’s a tuna one, a chicken one (left overs from the roast, then a stock can be made) and the peanut butter one….the morning is not a good time here to be making lunches so if I can get things like sandwiches prepared in advance then I’m planning to get the kids to put together the rest of their lunch items after dinner or something like that.  That way too Blokey doesn’t have to think about what to make as he was the lunch maker for the last two years….but as the kids proved to me yesterday they are all capable of making stuff…so whynot give themsome responsibility for their lunches…that way they might actually eat it…that’s the theory I keep hearing anyway!

My head is full of so many things I want to do I’m having a hard time focusing on anything…and then I tend to do nothing!  I have managed to be keeping the kitchen in a tidier state recently, which is a turn-up.  Today I tidied up the entrance area – what a mess!  We keep two plastic cube-crates at the front door for recycling…if I’mlucky they get put up every week, but if they don’t things fall out and blow around and yuck!  So, as today was rubbish day and Blokey made sure he had the crates up last night (two weeks worth) I decided it was high time to sort the abomination that has become our front doorway.  I bagged up the left over shoes that the crates had been sitting on, picked up random bits of recycling that had managed to escape due to overfilling and now the crates are half full again!  Anyway as I was picking something up out scuttled a rather large speciman of a weta…I called the kids and they all watched as it waddled off in search of a new home!  My next task is to wash it all down and get rid of the weeds and leaves and such that have been blown into that corner.  And hang out some washing…and get some dinner ready to cook…but right now I’m listening to  Oxygene by Jean Michel Jarre in an attempt to drown out the tv and kid noises just a few metres away so I can concentrate on writing this.

There are a lot of things I want to accomplish this year and I know how I can be – full-on for a wee while and then give up.  I’m trying really hard not to do that this time…even though I want my home to be clean and tidy, I want it to be a sustainable thing.  So far I’ve got it all written down so i  don’t have to have it in my head – Flylady’s Control Journal is my template – it seems to work well for me when I actually put it into practise – and of course getting back into the whole routine of things slowly is hopefully more helpful than dumping straight back into it as I have in the past.  Although, I think this year more than any other I’m happy to be getting back into it more than not happy about it.  Of course, the kids going back to school (and usually me going back to work on the same day) signifies to my pessimistic side the ensuing downward slide into winter which I’m never happy to see arrive.

I’m already looking at this year differently though…partly to do with cutting back my hours at work and partly due to something else I have yet to put words to…mellowing out perhaps but not quite…I can but set the goals and work towards achieving them little by little without pressuring myself that it all has to be done now…or yesterday for that matter…perhaps what I’ve been practising is some kind of ‘not doing’…a way of forcing myself to not cave in to the pressure I do put myself under to have things looking perfect (which by the way never has happened, ever!)…which always ends in my contrary self doing nothing whatsoever…so now I’m getting the jump on that part of me…just not doing it anyway.

Yeah, doesn’t reallt make sense as I type it does it but it does in my head – I simply can’t explain it – it’s a complicated way of getting to the simple solution apparently.  I’m slowly getting it into my head that continual small steps is progress – it doesn’t all have to be done now…it certainly took a long time to get to this condition…so I’m going to force it to take time to fix it up.

So…laundry, front porch and dinner….and maybe some gardening if there’s time, we’ll see…I cleared a small patch of weeds the other day so maybe I can plant my broccoli and cauliflowers there…I’ll let you know.

I’m sure Blokey wonders what I’ve been doing all day…nothing much changes…I’ll get there though…eventually…

One month…

… gone…..over…closer to Christmas!!  The kids are back to school for the year on Wednesday…I go back on the Friday…five days to go.  In all I would have had five weeks of holiday in some form or other…and I really have too…I’ve veged out, done nothing but the essentials, read, thought, knitted dishcloths and sewed a very small amount.  I took a photo of my lounge three weeks ago after  all the kids had left and there’s not a lot different about it now really.  I have done none of the exercise I told myself I would…none of the decluttering…very little of the baking and such.  I’ve become very well practised at doing nothing…and it shows.  I’m all about theory and thinking…but without the doing, the theory is a waste of time.  I know I could just do five minutes on a task and it would be better than not having done that five minutes…but there’s something that I’m waiting for…either the kids are in the way or I’m simply enjoying the peace that comes from having them away…or something else.  Yes, there’s always an excuse.

One thing I have managed to accomplish this month was getting my kitchen to a tidier state than it has been previously and making a good effort to keep it there…to the point today where I walked in after Blokey had made a lovely breakfast and nearly cried…I love him a lot…but between the both of us we can destroy a tidy place in less time than it takes to blink!  So I mentioned to him that I was trying really hard to keep the space tidy and I’d appreciate it if he could help me with that…of course, he said yes…we’ll see who of us lasts longer.  I’ve been using chemical free cleaners that I’ve made and so far they’re working well…including a dishwashing powder that’s a fraction of the cost of commercial dishwasher power…not as shiny and squeaky but clean and better for the environment.  My next one will be a facial scrub as I’ve run out of the one I was using…and as Thing One is getting to that age I think she may be using it before long too.

I have to restart my routines…start going to bed again at a decent hour…fit some exercise in…maybe give up some telly, although I’ve found some interesting podcasts that could fit in that space…one step at a time.  Start with a basic framework…then add one thing each day for the entire month of February until I have things at the point I need them for everything to run smoothly.  I’ve cut back 4 1/2 hours of work per week this year so I’m wanting to use that time to bring the housework under control and have that peaceful home we’ve always wanted…using the theory that if the house is tidy then it will be easier to keep it tidy…anyway…it’s time for bed…last time in a while I intend to be up this late…back to 10.30 from now on…

Can you tell I’ve…

…been on holiday?  Oh boy, all my grand schemes and intentions went to rack and ruin!  I have spent the past two weeks doing little else other than sitting here reading and looking at various blogs and websites.  It was not all to no benefit however…for once! 

I discovered an awesome eco site called care2.com.  I became somewhat obsessed (as you do) with the articles…how to make chemical free cleaners, personal care products, pet care ideas, food bits…and that’s just under one section…Deepak Chopra also has articles there on the spiritual side of things…I think I came across this site after finding my way to Sustainable Dave (Google him) – the guy who threw out nothing for the last year…and only had 32 pounds of actual rubbish in his garage to show for it…everything else was recycled one way or another…and I get to these places from craft blogs…and go to the next…it’s like the six degrees of seperation idea for blogs!  So now my goal for the next two weeks that I am really truly on holiday (from work) is to make some of those cleaning and personal care products I found recipes for.  I also spent some time looking for items on the ingredients list and have been amazed that I can find them reasonably close to home…which means less petrol usage.  The other thing that struck me is my use of plastics.  I’ve got us all metal drink bottles for this year and that’s just the beginning.

Blokey and I went grocery shopping the other night.  I usually buy the six packs of yogurt for lunches and afternoon teas and such…but they keep going up in price so this time I got a 1kg pot for not much more..it can go into no. 5 plastic (what else can you use with kids?) containers.  It may not seem like much but it’s small steps in the right direction – ideally I’d be making my own yogurt from scratch but I’ll get there.  I’ve been checking out alternative ideas for sandwich wrappers as well, talking with a couple of the older ladies at work and gleaning some things from them.  I’ve also been knitting dishcloths…I’m onto my fourth one and so far they are quite impressive!  Rinse with water, spray with vinegar and throw into the microwave for two minutes for the ultimate germ killing adventure (ther’s only one type of bacteria that won’t kill unless you nuke the cloth for four minutes…but I’m not that bothred by it.  Incidentally, my kitchen has been looking much cleaner as I’ve been testing out my new anti-bacterial spray (undiluted white vinegar), my scrubbing cream (dr bronner’s castile soap with baking soda) and my window cleaner ( water, vinegar and the dr bronner’s)on the oven greasey bits – I shall try it on the actual windows this weekend.  I’ve found ingredients for some shampoo and moisturiser so I want to give that a go too.

I’m quite excited about this…Blokey has chronic asthma and getting rid of the chemicals can only be good for him…as well as the rest of us.  Admittedly the vinegar spray smells like puke…there’s no other wayto put it but I’m going to try some essential oils when I can find my collection to see if it can be muted somewhat.

There’s been a lot of stuff mulling around in my head as it usually does and I’ve been feeling as if I’ve become much lazier than ever before…I’ve let a lot of things go over the last few months.  But now I think it’s time to begin paying attention to things again…start afresh…and slowly make some positive, long-lasting changes…without placing to high an expectation on myself.  That’s what I do – expect too much of myself, too quickly.  I have not learned to take things slowly and build upon each step with the possibility of actually finishing something that I’ve begun…and as I type this I’m thinking even that is too much!  I think it was Zen Habits that had a post recently about the Power of Gradual and last night I was looking at another blog (can’t remember which one for the life of me!) where the author does book reviews now and then and puts them in the form of a mind map…which works incredibly well as I can remember a fair chunk given I looked at it for all of five minutes…based on Kaizen…Kaizan?….about small, gradual, incremental steps…taking something big and overwhelming and breaking it into bite-sized achievable chunks…much like FLYLady advocates…there’s more than one person doing the same things, coming from different angles, each one enhancing the other so that people like me might finally begin to understand how it can work…the only thing stopping me is the actual gettin up and doing!  Funny that, how you can ‘know’ all you want but if you don’t ‘do’ then you might as well have not bothered in the first place…I’ve let myself inhale the knowing for the last two weeks while there;s been silence around me to do so…understanding that usually in the middle of everyday work and school life is hard to get to…now I need to put this into action…use what I have learned to make life better for all of us.  I have big plans and good intentions….I just need to learn to slow it down and take it a bit at a time.

My lounge is a…

…mess!  Sometimes you have to make a mess to tidy things up!!  I even took photos earlier…I just can’t be bothered going thorugh the whole thing of getting Blokey to upload them for me to download them to upload them here.  Not tonight anyway.

I spent today pulling out all my current projects, sorting through stuff that I’ve purposely piled up for some time…and putting parts of patterns together in the folders they belonged…chucking out a fair bit of rubbish….and organising my bedside bookshelf.  I went back to sewing the current corner of my quilt.  I now have a pile of books to be given away…it shall grow as I go through the bookshleves for books I have no intention of reading.

I’ve had a suspicion for some time that there are fleas alive and living in various parts of my house.  I finally found the flea powder today, sprinkled it around and eventually found several of the hideous creatures on me!  All this time and I’ve never spotted anything but the bites I keep getting…wondering if it’s my imagination as nobody else is being bitten.

I’m back to work tomorrow…but only for two weeks then I have another two weeks off at home with the kids until they go back to school.  That’s a pretty good  holiday for me.  I’m still counting these coming two weeks as a holiday of sorts as there are no kids for all of next week and at least the start of the following…one comes back then another (not sure when exactly) and the last arrives on the Sunday following….and as I said then I’m back on holiday….how cool is that!  It’s like five weeks of holiday.  Really it is…